Services
Our services will help you get on top.
Even if it means you are on top of a pile of bodies and poor people.
How are we so good at what we do?
We own the media outlets, you goober! That’s right. Our strategic purchasing allows us to control public discourse without them even realizing it.
Some of our premier services
This is what we can do for your brand.
Partner with social justice groups
Get free brand awareness and consumer trust by giving money to groups that do nothing instead of buying new office chairs this year!
Book speaking engagements
You think money laundering is hard? What are you – stupid? We’ll organize ‘speaker events’ for you that net over $250,000 for a rehearsed speech! All you have to do is maybe a small favor for political allies 🙂
Diversify your income
We can help you set up fake 301c charities and “non profits” (LOL), that allege to dispense funds to social movements. Don’t worry – that money just goes to another one of our companies and back to your pockets! Cha-ching, tax credits!
Buy art
Hunter Biden is an ARTIST, LOL! No, but really – we’ll arrange for you to take kickbacks and bribes via innocuous art dealings. Who’s to say that painting of pink poop isn’t worth $1.2 million?